eleven lessons from eleven boys

It is at this point where I have to summarize and collate all that I have learned for four years of my life, and even beyond that as I enter a new phase called the undecided.  And I have one thing that’s constant, that it has always been my destiny to produce words out of thin air, for the benefit of myself and for the people who read.  Before I realized this dream fully, I have these people to thank the most.  Some have broken my spirits, some were easy to get over, and some still stayed despite.

Even if I did invest 25%, 50%, and even 75% of myself into these people, I didn’t take nothing out of it.  And so here I present to you a life lesson from each of them– the few list posts I’m ever going to make.

1 You can never forget the little things, even if you try so hard to.  You will find bits of the first one you loved in your successors, or the lacks of the first in your successors.  But you never really forget.  Even in forgetting you remember what you don’t want, hence the reason why you burn the memories, when all that’s ever really burned in your head were the very things you tried to forget.

2 Feelings cannot be shoved at the back of your mind that easily.  The solution is not to forget, but to let them heal and die down.  Force is only good when it’s toward a meaningful goal, and getting over someone forcibly is like torturing the person endlessly until they fork up the truth.  They will get over it, it just takes time.

3 Being high and mighty about someone who feels for you does not give you the privilege of becoming a gift to that person.  The only gift we were really talking about here was the fact that I was the only difference in your life to look past your ghastly appearance and like you for who you are.  Surprise, dickhead.

4 You sometimes make the mistake of burning a bridge, and it was something you’re really sorry for.  I’m sorry if I cut ties with you, but you badgered too much and I was just too immature to tell you to go away.  Maybe in another life.

5 Once you know that you no longer like a person, it isn’t helpful to declare that secret unless you regret making that decision to stop liking them.  I made the mistake of doing so in a letter, and even if I never signed my name, you still found out.  The truth will indeed set you free, but if you let go of that truth before its cage looses, what else do you have to set free?

It isn’t wrong to like “someone out of your league,” but make sure to know this beforehand.  And who knows? You might get a friend out of him.  Thank you for being kind and for being a great friend.  Who knew?

If all else fails, man up and approach him, wingman or no wingman.  It’s easier than having this fabulous idea of him in your head when he’s even more awkward in real life.  I’m not saying it’s a terrible quality, it’s your quirk, which is pretty cool because you’re really nice.  And well, ever since then, we’ve always said hi.  Yay.

8 A compliment can go a long way. Going as far as participating or celebrating your craft was something I would never do in line with “keeping distance,” but having a friend to give me second thoughts was something I was meant to do.

9 Never, ever, ever, ever like a guy with a girl.  Thank goodness this was short-lived.  Need I explain more?

10 If you feel like you’re stepping in on a more solid connection between said guy and another girl, back off.  I don’t know if this was a lesson that taught me anything at all, but I recovered from you quickly because of this.  And you were kind of problematic, but at least we say hello.

11 Sometimes, someone you least expect comes back into your life, and accepts you more than you accept yourself.  And you become yourself after a long time, even if you tried to mask it behind a generic personality to keep from hurting.  But you have taught me to love because you love, not because you expect anything back.  You taught me to be a better friend, to be strong in adversity, and to listen.  You cared for me, paid so much attention– attention I felt was more than I deserved.  But most of all, you taught me to grow up and to stand by my decisions, and to be brave.  I don’t know where we are at this stage, but know that for the first time, I cared for you, and not for an idea.  That made all the difference.

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