Caliber

I tell the story of us in fragments to the whole world, like so.  It isn’t just so the world would be further boggled by the nonsense we both share, but it’s so I can keep track of the reasons why I shouldn’t have said no.

There was a point where I questioned myself whether to let go of you because I knew it wouldn’t go the way I wanted it to go, or to stay because it could go the way I wanted to go.  I think I should have gone, as I remember that night where I couldn’t stop the tears from falling harder than storms did, or the way the words hurt more than it should have.  If only you knew the plight of the one person who wished you cared most about, the plight of the one person who cares for you as you have presented yourself to me.

At some point, the reasons will run dry, and you finally know the truth behind it all.  I have already imagined the worst to come, and while I know that I have to accept that more quickly now, but people are never ready for any storm at all, even the announced ones.  Even the predicted ones.  Despite the warnings, you’d still have hope that the sunlight will still prevail over cumulonimbus clouds.

I wish these words would run out.  I wish you knew that these words are for you.  I may have strength, but it’s easier said than done to power through an incoming storm.  It’s inevitable, but it will go away.  I wish I could will it to go away.

If you knew how hard it was to have to let you go soon, I would let you know.  If you knew that you are the only one who has ever proven that you are worth winning and losing for an act of bravery, so be it.  If you knew that I am going to miss the familiar light glow as you deliver words to me, so be it.  At some point, the light will recede into darkness again, and I know it’ll be easier for you to disappear without knowing that you had meant the world to me.

Know that out of everyone I ever felt for, you were the only one who did.

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