what i would’ve wanted to say

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It’s nearing midnight, and so ends another week of hoping.  So ends another week of looking for you among the crowds, searching for your face, and casually bumping into you to see if destiny loses again this time.  Time has gone by so fast.  Maybe because I begin and end my days with looking only for you, in the hopes of trying to get a conversation with you so that you’d know me past the image you think of me right now.

I know that it’s difficult for you to reciprocate, mainly because you’re out of my league.  You’re eons away from me, and you could get girls far greater than who I am.  It’s not self-deprecating, okay? I have accepted it far too long to have it still hurt me.  I’m used to the hurt because it’s been repetitive all my life.  Countless rejections, failed answers, and wishes never bound to come true.  Had I not even met you, life would have been easier.

But all the same time, if I hadn’t met you, I would’ve cared less and less about the people I’d like to be with.  I would’ve cared less if chivalry were really dead, or that standards don’t exist.  You encapsulate the man I have agreed upon myself to love, and it gives me relief to know that the person inside my head exists in this spectrum of reality, and even if I never had a definite image of you preceding my meeting you, you fit the bill.

While it may hurt again that you wouldn’t be the one for me, I hope you could reconsider that.  I hope that you know who I am as I am, as I have wished to know you and you everyday.  And I know it’ll take a lot of steps to get there.  I know I’ll have to wait endlessly until I see you again, but seeing that hair flop up and down as you walk, with a shy smile creeping on your lips as you do so, not seeing you could be well worth the wait if it means waiting for me too.

I know you’re a person who I can never mess around with, and that’s good.  I know that you can give me the feeling, the rush of being with someone, and at the same time, I choose to be with you and only you– even if it means waiting and waiting, wasting away my days until I see you again.

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