I hold the image of you in my hands, as if constantly recalling and recalling could somehow make my memories of you a mainstay. Never had my heart felt both lighter and heavier at the same time, with the very unsettling feeling that at some point, the tears would finally fall, and I’d be okay with that.
Would you know how it would feel like to be on the other side, the one who wants more? There is nothing wrong with wanting more. What could be wrong would be the fact that I am not wanted at all in the first place. Would it be okay for you to hold my heart in your hands and throw it behind your back, unaware of it exploding like a timebomb? I wish you knew what it felt like to want more, because then you know how it would feel like with a person who wanted you less.
I know what it means to deserve someone I could finally call my own. I know what it means to settle, knowing how tired I must be from running to this side all the way to the other, and still ending up in square one. What then would it feel like to hold you in your entirety, to have you hear the words I wrote only for you? It’s been seven long months and here I am, still waiting, anxiously waiting for you to see me for who I am. The facade I hold you out for is one of glory, but I beg you too to remind me of who you really are.
I beg you to tell me that someday you too will know that I could be yours too, but until you realize that (God knows how), I just watch you from the sidelines and wait for you to come my way with your effervescent smile because that is the closest thing I have of having you.