say anything

My words run dry as I trace the contours of your arm: the cuts and the rivets.  It was hard for me not wanting to have some kind of significance for you because that shouldn’t be the way it is.  Maybe it was because I always thought actions spoke louder than words, and every caught glance from you as you looked my way meant the world to me and even then we didn’t say anything at all, let alone start a conversation.  If I could point a language, it was through the flickering of the eyes, the shy glances, and the blushes of a thousand suns.  Never had I ever spoken like that, and believe me it was a message hard to get across.  But it mattered to me anyway, until yesterday.

Remember what I said about bravery, how it could take me places, how it could make a difference? Well, I stepped up and spoke to you, didn’t I? I gathered the courage I lost and threw it on the line, as if something like that could rouse both of us from our dormancy, and I insert myself as part of your life.  It was the first time I looked you in the eye, the first time I felt the letters, tasted the enunciation of them, and my voice one with my mind as I tried to relay everything to you without hyperventilating.

And all along, you weren’t a shadow in my life, an Untouchable I couldn’t look in the eye.  You had a kind soul, bright eyes.  You smiled at me, as you brushed your skin slightly against my shivering arm.  It was an experience whole in itself, and it did lay significance to everything that we had been used to doing.  It shook us, didn’t it? It shook me, I could tell you that.  At least I know you haven’t faded away.

But what was most striking that even if actions do speak louder, words are just as resounding.  And it didn’t help that you kept glancing my way, with your laugh and your glances still present, though you can never hear the beating of this old, old heart.

O Captain, my Captain, with the smile that could light up a thousand fires.

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