word came through in a letter

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this might fall on deaf ears as I write this because the words spilling out are for no one.  i liken this to a message in a bottle floating out to sea until someone picks it up and chooses if the words make a difference to him or not.  i’m not in a rush to find anyone at all, or somebody that fits the bill for me.  will fate ever bring us together? I don’t know but I’m not waiting around for it because I owe the universe nothing, as it owes me nothing too.

i don’t even know why I waste time clamouring over someone I can never have but it’s a feeling I deem necessary because there is no greater feeling than having someone claim hold over your entire mind where there is so much going on.  Isn’t it supposed to be significant that people have that one person that holds up 80% of their entire conscious? I can’t even hold anything school-related in for more than a day or two and to have someone constantly invading even your innermost thoughts– that’s something, all right.

But even if I punch the sky with my fist in frustration, hoping that the one I think about hears me– that’s the downside to having everything running in your head.  It can’t be heard.  You shut your eyes and you feel yourself in another world where you have him, you hold him, but when you open them, they’re a mile away and they can’t even see you.

So I say these without a physical voice for accompaniment because I can never bring myself to say this in any other way: that maybe one day I will send you a message in a bottle and I hope that someday, someone will pick it up and somehow we’ll find each other.  But right now, I call for you incessantly in my mind and you can’t hear me now but it’s all right.  In some other world, in some other place, you’re here with me.  And that’s all that matters, even if I cannot find the right words right now for you, for us.

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