[waiting]

up until now i wonder why i haven’t found you yet.  I liken this search for you to frantically waving for a taxi or queuing up in the cafeteria during lunch hour: there are so much bouts of impatience on my part because in a sea of people, you aren’t there.

I don’t expect you to come by while I’m waiting there with my legs crossed and one of my shoes in your hand because I’m not Cinderella and maybe searching for the One at midnight won’t seem so practical (and safe, for that matter) but well, that could be one option.  Do I ogle at couples and sigh to myself desperately that I want a man of my own too, to have those moments of intimacy to share? Secretly, I kind of do but it’s not a hurried kind of thing.  I’ve been patient enough to wait and maybe looking here and there for someone to meet my gaze is a wish so far-flung it seems so impossible.

But do I believe in destiny? Do I believe in those moments where I see you from across point X and you happen to spot me too? Maybe you’d spot me and grimace instead for staring at you too long or you’d break the eye contact by turning away and slowly inching away from the scene.  It isn’t quite enough to believe in the fates yet because as you could see, the fates seemed to have locked me out of their decision making.

Did I feel forgotten or left behind? Not really, not quite.  I know that even if these couples are together and are happy with one another, it doesn’t mean I have to find you here, right? But for now, this is my world.  And maybe if you were someone I had the pleasure of encountering here in this continuum called school I live in now and we’d find ourselves rooted to some spot in the center of this earth and we’d see each other still but a two kind of different, maybe it will be something more than that.

But for now I could keep waiting because sometimes, I don’t really believe you’d find me because I don’t have an X written on me and you don’t have a map of where to find me at all.  But if we do find each other, it would make those days, months, and years worthwhile because even if I didn’t build my whole life waiting for you to come along, that feeling of finding someone perfect (or at least close to it) could keep me kind of ecstatic.

So wait for me, as I am waiting for you.

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