a letter to myself

(because it’s time I take a break from nosediving and investing my feelings in other people.)

Dear me,

Congratulations, you’ve survived the apocalypse.  Aside from it being a sensationalised hoax, you should know that part of the reason of why you survived it was to still have time to shape the future you’ve always wanted.  The world still going on has put a clearer dent in your hazy tomorrow, I see.  It still isn’t vivid bright, but you’re getting there.

This year had been a bumpy road for you: losing step in the midst of your college life, reshaping your academic self with a year left to go, friendships rekindled and torn apart at the seams… it sounds like you had a little rough in 2012.  But who could forget the New York vacation where you realise that TV was meant for you, that the grown-up dream you wish to live on forever was finally clear? And what about that time where you broke down in tears in January when you said you hated the course you were in and you weren’t happy? You may have been awakened rudely by that, but at least you’re finally in the course you wanted.  And isn’t that what matters? Knowing you have finally reached some kind of pre-twenties nirvana.  Quarterlife crisis be gone.

And again you have invested yourself emotionally by loving too much, by involving yourself in a one-sided affair. Come to think of it, you’ve hardened your heart since experiencing infatuation at the tender age of 12.  You decided too quickly, liked too quickly that you’ve forgotten to get out of your head sometimes and see the real picture: take it slow.  Take it slow.  It’s not enough for you to realise that there is always someone for you, that someday you’d find someone who loves you just as much as you love him.  Stop and think first: you are only in love with the idea of love.  If you insist otherwise, how should I know? We’re both stupid enough to interpret liking the person as a person or liking love itself as one and the same.

You have ten days left before 2013 dawns and you have to know that next year’s goal is to take everything slow.  Don’t harden your heart, but don’t let it soften too quickly either.  You are more than just a person who loves and loves.  You deserve to love and be loved because that’s part of the reason why you’re put on this world.  And don’t forget, you’ve got friends who’d be there always.  How do I know that? Well, I’m you, nutjob.




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