baby it’s cold outside

In the midst of the bright lights, the cold air making my cheeks tingle, it would have meant so much for you to remember me, remember us.  I had forgotten what it feels like to hurt, to love, and to feel as ecstatic seeing you in the light I had always wanted to see you in.  Do you hear the carols in the street, wishing you a new year of hope, a new year of joy, a new year with me?

Do I know how much you mean to me? Not so much, but enough to make you realize how much I would have wanted you to stay, would have wanted you to share this momentous holiday of cheer.  I rub my eyes in blatant tiredness as I bid the year goodbye, the year full of tumultuous events, the year I suffered, the year you have come to know me as someone who exists in your world now, whether you like it or not.

And it terrifies me to come to this realisation that you know how I feel for you.  But do you really know? Do you really know what it feels like to have me in your arms, to have me all to yourself? No, you don’t.  You shun that thought instead and I understand.  I understand fully, completely, and utterly.  But I never tire of thinking of you, of dreaming what it feels like to have you close, and have us roasting chestnuts under the open fire.

I describe to you these things because this is the only way I know how.  This is the only way of keeping the memory of you alive because right now, that’s all I have.

And it’s enough.

For now.

Merry Christmas. :’)

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