don’t you leave me standing here once again

The constant battle of my emotions troubles me so, and the fact that you might be on to something about me scares me to death.  What if you know about my feelings for you? What if you know that I dedicate a huge chunk of my time to thinking about you and dreaming about our existence? Will everything else fall apart and one day you will treat me as someone who never existed at all? I beg of you, please don’t.  Please don’t think that way at all.

I just hope to God that you don’t know at all, and you carry on not knowing than having you know and shattering my heart into tiny little pieces.  I’m used to the rejection, don’t worry, but I don’t like feeling it all over again.  And you shouldn’t give that to me at all.  

And the worst part of it all is, I don’t know if you really don’t know or you do know and you’re playing games with me.  If you’re for the latter, stop everything.  

I would rather get hurt because of rejection and not because of malicious trickery.  Don’t.  Don’t even try to twist the words that come out of my mouth, the words of kindness, of praise that I speak of you.  

You just don’t know how much I care.  That every cold, apathetic look I give you bears a hidden meaning to beg you to choose me in the end.  That I had always felt the opposite, that I felt there was something here after all.


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