this is a complicated love with me; the first of three letters

12:57pm

It’s strange how I didn’t see you the way I always have: eternally smiling, the scent wafting– I reveled in your presence.  I laughed like usual but I did not feel much.  But now as I write this, I do.  I reviewed the captured smile you threw at me, the remnants of the tones of your laughter ringing in my ears.  Do I get to feel only the aftermath of it? What is about the “after” that I look for in you? But like I said before, I only love the “you” inside my head, whoever you may be.  What would it take then for me to welcome the real you, the you I still have yet to know? But sadly, you are only a moment in my head and at some point in this entire timeframe, my existence, my life would eventually go on without you.

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