Think of everything as moments, and this is something I believe to be true. I can never look at the big picture that is life directly. I can never paint an entire painting of what my life was, is, and will be in just one sitting. I view them separately, peering into what happened, basking in what’s happening, and creating an alternate “will happen.” Life is a bunch of moments strung together and just splayed in different timeframes, making the person choose to live one or two at the same time.
But I have kept my guard up for so long that I choose to remember what moments I want to live in, and what moments I’d rather much forget for the life of me. It’s difficult to think that the moments you think are well spent are otherwise in the other universe, or in the other path you chose not to take. But while moments are things you believe can be good or bad, they’re armor either way. They protect you from getting hurt, from going crazy, and from remembering all those terrible moments.
Don’t tell me if I’m wrong, or don’t tell me the moments we had meant nothing to you. We shared a couple of smiles, and for once I may have let my guard down for a short while before shutting you out again. I now know that what we’ve had over the past few weeks have been formulating this delusional reality that maybe just maybe this would have been real this time. But of course, given my past history, most likely it’ll be another one of those flukes.
But then again, I could be wrong.