What does it mean to want you? Are we supposed to be in the words of a song, intertwined in the rhythm, the melody? Are we supposed to have a storybook kind of romance wherein one night makes everything go the right way? These questions I ask fervently because I don’t know. Are we supposed to know?
Do I want you when I see you in a sea full of strangers, and you’re the only one with the spotlight over your head? Do I want you when love is blind, or do I want you when you stand out with your half-smile and deep-set eyes?
Do I want you because you’re the worst-case scenario? Do I want you because we fight all the time and by some stroke of luck, we find common ground? Do I want you because I see your face in my head? But the things in my head are all fantasy and ideas. Do I want you because my heart beats only for you? My heart beats because I’m alive and living.
Are we supposed to be bound by words, the lines of a novel or the lines of a poem? Do you think a tale could suffice what we have, the beauty of the supposed love we were supposed to be in? Everyone knows that words will die. They are mortal and are only made up of twenty-six letters. There could only be enough words to describe a love we are supposed to have. But what if we both can’t define what we have? What if we run out of words? Have you ever thought of that? Where does that lead us?
Needless to say, the beauty of certain things needs no words. Usually, to capture something, it has to be seen and it must a secret kept between you and I. When you say it out loud, when you start to put together what we have in word and in song, it’s not a secret anymore. It’s what everyone has. But it’s not what I want to have.
What does it mean to want you? I want to tell you that I don’t need you like breathing air. I want to tell you that I don’t need you like water. I don’t need to thirst for you, to hunger for you. I don’t need words to tell the story, the tale of what we are because we don’t need to. We disappear into a world that is only ours and we don’t need anyone else to know. Only you and I. Why? Those stories were already told. There are stories of first sight, of differing social statuses, and romantic fairytales. They’re already out there, and I don’t want that. I don’t want to be known.
What does it mean to need you? Again, I don’t need you like water. I don’t need you like air. I don’t need you in order to live because I have already lived half my life before I met you. But despite all that, I would still keep you a secret, away from the prying eyes, the peeping ears of the walls, and I’d run to the place where I know you’d be. We don’t need words to define what we have because we share a language no one else knows about. But only you know, and only I know. I’d still run to you because I don’t need you, I want you.