I’m between the middle watching hastiness unfold

There’s something about this entire week that drained me.  My friend was right, the energy was too much even for someone like me (and if you did know who I am in person, you’d be surprised).  Sure I had the exciting Philosophy class and I had the usual share of great company with me but the rest of it… I don’t think it energized me at all.

I have a hard time sleeping and I have lost something valuable to me (not that I would admit it right now because it’s not lost, it’s misplaced.  Yes, there’s a difference.  I stand corrected).  Maybe it’s this girl Annie in one of my classes whose nonsensical talk just negatively fuels me.  “Shut up for a second.” I’ve always wanted to say that because she doesn’t know what’s she’s talking about.

Was it the rain that tired me further? One day of nonstop rain and the delay in suspension? Not that I blame my school of course.  I have another class in a few so I won’t dilly dally much.  This one’s the last day before another weekend, and I can’t wait for it to happen.  Next week’s a more hectic one because I have so much work to do, says the list of tasks on my iProcrastinate.

It’s tiring sometimes to socialize in school because I’ve realized the value of my being alone.  It’s something I was never used to for the first two years of my college life and now it’s something I secretly treasure because I can think.  I don’t have to be anxious about anything nor do I have to wait on someone or think of a list of questions to keep the conversation going.  I’m my own person for a few hours then I hit class and it’s extrovert me all over again.

Maybe I’m tired because I’m always in the middle, or stuck there at least.  I’m in the middle of sophomore and junior because I just shifted in and practically restarted my entire life.  I’m in the middle of so many decisions.  I’m in the middle of two people who can’t get along.  People who want to be in the middle, to be in the center of it all… good luck to you.  I once wished to be the center of attention but now all I get are these shaky, anxious feelings whenever I become such.

Or maybe it’s the fact that my friend borrowed the hard drive and I spent half the night downloading stuff or watching Abby Elliott’s “The Assistant” on Youtube (it’s great by the way.  She’s an underappreciated SNL performer).


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